Achilles

Some of my colleagues were sitting around talking the other day when the issue of personal "sensitive spots" came up. One guy said that his was looking foolish. Perhaps it was because he had grown up in the Middle East, he said, or perhaps it was because he was the eldest in his family. But, whatever the reason, he would avoid looking foolish at almost any cost. Another fellow piped in that he didn't mind looking foolish, but he would practically stand on his head to avoid failure. The thought of not measuring up was something he just couldn't abide.

I was silent. Personally, I can look like a fool several times before lunch on any given day, and if I haven't failed more than once before dinner, it is only because I have elected to take a nap. I think I have become somewhat inured to both dangers. Act foolish often enough and you come to regard it as a given part of your routine. Fail often enough and it just becomes one more story to add to the plot.

So, I am running my fingers over my psychic surfaces, feeling for bruises and other sensitive spots in order to find what it is that I just couldn't stand in myself, whatever it is that I could never allow myself to be. I have my ideas, and several of them are pretty good possibilities, but so far, there are none claiming primacy.

For one thing, I hate it when I have behaved inconsiderately. I cringe when I think of the times when I have been rude or selfish or uncaring. On the other hand, I get angry when people think I have been any of those things when in my own estimation, I have not. I am willing to take the blame when I have wronged someone. So, maybe "not nice" is the thing I would avoid most.

That may be a girl thing, although I know plenty of females who are more than willing to be mean. Maybe it is a likability issue. On the other hand, I know lots of people who don't like me, and, frankly, I'm not usually so wild about them, either. (But I AM nice to them.)